I wanted to make it clear that the pages I am posting are just thumbnails at this point. I am not trying to get faces correct or totally get the bodies correct. It's just setting up the story.
I am hoping to start some finished pencils next week.
I'm attaching pages 2 and three to this post. On page 2, the flashback story ends and then we come back to the present day and it is a scene around the campfire where I have just told this story.
By the way, my class did a critique of all of my pages on Tuesday and it was really hard for them to try and criticize my work. So I started it for them. After that, all went well.
Let me know what you think.
Tom
Excellent. I like the slow zoom through page 2 with the zoom out on page 3 to release tension.
ReplyDeleteQuick question though, are you planning on having any kind of visual cue that the flashback is over? Different background behind the panels (I don't know if that black bar is just placeholder or if that's gonna go in the book) or anything of the sort? Or are you just going to rely on the shot choices?
Not sure which is a better idea, just curious.
Hmm... I'm still wishing that there was some sort of establishing shot between the brothers playing baseball. The only time they're both together in frame is the third panel of the second page and it's still not really an establishing shot.
ReplyDeleteI want a panel that pulls back more. You've got all close ups and medium shots, really. Now, we're at the beginning of the story, so it might all be intentional and you'll open it up shortly, but it's all a bit claustrophobic (even the downshot on panel three, your characters are at the edges of the panel, so it still feels tight).
My two cents ;)
David-
ReplyDeleteThe flashbacks will be little to no black placement and no gray tones, whereas the present day stuff will have normal black placement and gray tones.
Phillip -
I've seen it in my head that way for so long I'm not sure about what you say, BUT ... pulling out on the first two panels of page three doesn't seem like a bad idea. Especially on panel one. I need to establish the camping shelter better.
Thanks folks!